Who We Be

For my latest post (I'd hate to use "this week's," but it's what this thing seems to be turning into), I'm taking the cheap way out and posting an essay I wrote a few years ago about the industry that has become the last decade of my life.

For those of you that don't know me as well as you'd like, I have been a DJ since the age of 16, but have been involved in karaoke since 1994. So, for your approval:

"WASTIN' AWAY AGAIN IN KARAOKEVILLE:
Band-less performance from a different perspective"
by Rob Ervin

It is an epidemic that spreads far and wide. You may know somebody that has done it, and may even still do it in a frequency that rivals an airport's flight schedule. It is even possible that you yourself have done it as well, although you may use the excuse of being too drunk to remember it. You may have done it by yourself, with another person, or even in a group of people while a virtual sea of others looked on.

"It" is the phenomenon known as karaoke, and it seems like everywhere you turn, it's right there. Anywhere from sports bars to stores in your favorite shopping mall are known to subscribe to this "Star Search meets Animal House," in a near feeding frenzy of addicts who just can't seem to get enough, in the way a junkie just have to have more of whatever drug they seem to jones for. There have been reports on the news about it, and even channels like MTV or VH-1 have done daily and weekly shows based on it, but very few that are in the thick of this musical invasion have given their side of the story.

Until now.

When you have been doing a certain task for what amounts to over a decade, I guess you could pretty much say that it is your profession, which in my logic, gives me the right to say that I can be somewhat of an authority. It is my job (at least part of it) to make sure that this one-ring circus operates properly, being sure that order is kept and that these hopeful Mariah Careys and Luther Vandross's sound as good as they possibly can. I am what is known as a "KJ," "Karaoke Guy," and even "Engineer With Attitude" that keeps the convoy rolling on the highway of entertainment.

Simply put, I am a "karaoke host".

Hosting a karaoke show is a lot like being a breeder in a livestock show. It is up to you to get the singers to where they need to be, keep them there for their allotted time slot, allow them to get their adulation, and move them on in a timely fashion. At times, it is more so, as the more intoxicated the individual gets, the more like livestock they behave: loud slurring noises, refusal to move when told, etc.

More details? Well, in order to get there, let's go back to the beginning.

For those of you that have always wondered where the heck this all began, you have to travel to the wonderment that is Japan. Karaoke began there in the early eighties, and became such a frenzy that some of the major players in electronics at the time (namely Pioneer) wanted to try it overseas. The word "karaoke," is actually a Japanese word; "kara," meaning "empty" (if you remember your "Karate Kid" dialogue, Mr. Miagi says that "karate" means "empty hand"), and "oke," meaning "orchestra," because you are essentially filling in the most essential part of the music... the vocals.

The difference between karaoke and an instrumental of a song is two-fold: 1- Normally on an instrumental track, there is no backing vocals; on karaoke, all harmonies are there, and 2- In most karaoke formats, the lyrics to the song can be displayed on a video monitor with special players. It's kind of like the old "follow the bouncing ball" routine from old sing-a-long shows, but the words actually change color, so you can even almost figure out how long to hold certain notes without knowing how to read music.

Most karaoke performances take place in a bar of some sort, because usually, people need a little help to get on stage and sing from Jose Cuervo or some such "relative". I have seen places that are strictly devoted to karaoke, but those places are usually oriented in the sale of karaoke hardware and software. Most of these places also will have a "studio," where a customer can record themselves singing along in place of their favorite artist or group. It is actually in one of these "studios" where R & B singer Mary J. Blige got her start, by recording herself on a cassette tape, and taking that tape to a record label down the street.

Normally, the procedure is to sit at a table with a book of that establishment's karaoke selections, a piece of paper, and a pencil. When you feel that you are ready, you find a song in the book that you would like to belt out, fill out the form with the pencil with the combination of letters and numbers that correspond with your selection in the book and your name, and then give the slip of paper to the person that is hosting that karaoke show. When your name is called, it is your time to shine as you take the microphone and become the star you've always wanted to be.

In my case, I do run my show in a sports bar/club in the mecca of Mesquite, Texas. My show, as most shows, runs into the night (from 10PM to 2AM), since that is the time frame that most people do their socializing and major drinking. And, as is the normal, my show can run the gambit from Metallica to Mel Tillis, sometimes even back to back. It's all about the audience that is there, and the vibe that they create. It's pretty much my job to have the order in which the singers will perform, make sure that their selections are ready to go when they get on the stage, and ensure that they can not only be heard, but also heard to the best of their ability. (Believe me, I had to word the last part of that VERY carefully.)

So, what is it like on my side of the fence, you ask? It's simple...

Order through chaos.

To start my show, I usually will sing the first song, to not only solve the eternal problem of "I don't wanna go first," but also because I do three karaoke shows a week (the rest of my working nights are spent as my first love, being a DJ), so I need to make sure that the equipment is all working as well as it can (meaning, from a technological standpoint, I have a rep to protect). One of my fears (and that of many hosts, I think) is to get someone up on stage, and have nothing happen when you press the "play" button. Imagine having all eyes in an establishment on you, and pure silence. That tends to get scary after about ten seconds, much less knowing that you have to SING in front of what can pretty much be a room of complete and total strangers.

Once I have completed what I call my "guinea pig song," it is time for the people that are giving my bar their hard earned money the shot they've been waiting for all evening long. The way that I run a show is by taking the first hour's singers in the order in which they give me their requests, thus filling the first "round". In my opinion, one hour is enough to make a decent rotation. Once that round is done, I take the following requests and place them in between repeat singers from the first round, thus keeping it as even and fair as possible. I also will play music in between each singer, so as not to talk over dead air. Playing music between singers tends to keep the attention span of the audience, but a host has to be careful not to play any songs or artists that he has in the line-up of singers, as it just makes the singers uneasy. Sometimes, I myself will sing a song to start each round as kind of a "heads up" to the crowd to let them know where we are, but if the list of singers is just incredibly long, I will just announce the beginning of another round.

Now that I've explained what my role is, let's move on with what I have come up with to being the "rules of etiquette" that are involved in karaoke. These are not set in stone, as different hosts will have different rules, but I like to think that they are fairly universal:

1. NO KARAOKE HOST IS OUT TO MAKE YOU LOOK BAD.
-If something happens during your performance that isn't supposed to, relax and make the best of it. Unless the host is asleep behind the booth, he is doing everything that he can to get your song back on track. Often times, the host will even start your song over so that you can get the chance to get it all in one piece.

2. NO KARAOKE HOST IS GOING TO PASS YOU OVER ON PURPOSE.
-Often times, there is quite an abundance of singers in a particular line-up, so please be patient with them. I have to be honest when I say that there are some hosts out there that can tend to move a singer to the stage faster when presented with a bit of money, but hopefully, you will be at a show where that is not the case. It always amazes me what people are willing to offer me to try to get FIVE MINUTES of stage time in a bar. Believe me, you don't want to know some of the amounts that I've been offered. It's just sad.

3. THERE IS NOT, IN MOST CASES, A RECORD PRODUCER IN THE AUDIENCE.
-I am so often amazed when I have a singer on stage that thinks that they are playing Radio City Music Hall, and if they don't do well, they will never sing again. My friends, karaoke was created so that people can have FUN with it. Treat it that way. Even the above-mentioned Mary J. Blige had to take her tape TO a record company; not the other way around.

4. BOOING IS NOT AN OPTION.
-It is very important to be supportive to each and every singer that gets the nerve to get up there and make a go of it. As I say in the intro to my show, "It's all about the love, and if you ain't about the love, ya gotta go." Even if the person up there is someone that you've known since conception, the other people in the room aren't, and it makes THEM nervous as they wonder if you're going to do that to them.

5. IT IS POSSIBLE THAT YOUR HOST MAY NOT HAVE EVERY SONG THAT HAS EVER BEEN WRITTEN.
-One of the big issues with a lot of karaoke shows is selection of songs. If you have been to a show, you may have wondered why you have not seen a particular song in the book. It is usually one of three reasons:
1- If the song is something that is fairly recent, it takes time for the companies that make the software to get the title available. Basically, the software company has to PAY for the rights to the song, re-record it themselves, make the graphics for you to follow along on, mass produce the discs, and then distribute them to the stores for the hosts to buy them from.
2- The other half of the above stated problem can be from the songwriter/artist themselves. In some cases, the person responsible for the song does not want to release the rights to the software companies. For instance, The Eagles used to have their songs available to the companies to make karaoke versions for. ("Hotel California" is one of the most performed songs that I have come across.) The legend has it that Glen Frey and another member of the band walked into a karaoke bar, and encountered someone doing a sub-par rendition of one of their songs, and had the rights revoked the next day. I have also heard that Alanis Morisette has done something similar. So, if you see a disc with these artists on it, you might want to pick it up, because you won't be able to order it after it's gone.
3- It is also possible that your host just hasn't purchased it, either because they didn't feel that there was a need for it, or because they prioritized another song above it. Karaoke discs can cost anywhere from twenty to eighty dollars and more, depending on the format and number of songs on a particular disc. If you would like to sing a particular song, my suggestion is to ask your host where you can purchase it, and go do so for your own private collection. (Personally, I recommend Trax City in Irving- www.traxcityusa.com) I prefer that if I have a singer do that, they make sure that it is a song that has a video accompany it (not just an instrumental on a regular CD). To me, the point of karaoke is that it is an INTERACTIVE experience; if the audience can follow along with what you're doing, it makes for more of a fun atmosphere, and you can even get a better reaction from them.

6. IF YOU ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF, TAKE A SECOND AND LET YOUR HOST KNOW.
-Once your host has gotten the singer that is on stage going comfortably, simply walk up to him and let him know that you are enjoying yourself. That is the biggest compliment that they can receive, as that is the host's goal. Believe me.

7. DON'T BLAME THE HOST IF YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE MADONNA OR BRIAN McKNIGHT.
-Once again, the whole point is to have fun. If you feel that the effects on your microphone are too high, let the host know politely during a musical break, and he will adjust it. If you don't like having any effects at all, or you need the key of the song adjusted, it's even better if you note that on your request sheet.

If you have not tried it yet, call around to some of the bars in your area to find out where you can go to at least see it in action. There are a lot of people out there that go to karaoke shows just to watch the others get up and try their hardest to entertain, so don't feel like you HAVE to sing. Go, have a few adult beverages, and who knows? Before too long, you too may be an addict. As long as you're having fun.

Rob Ervin has been a karaoke host for over ten years, and has been a DJ for over fifteen. He is currently the house DJ, karaoke host, DJ Manager, & Entertainment Coordinator for Sports City Cafe in Mesquite, Texas.

BB