Bamm-Bamm's Corner, 12/09/2009

We're skipping all of the formalities this week, because I have a bold statment to make.

Shemus wins the belt at TLC, which you can see at Sports City Cafe in Mesquite, Texas.  So if you are close by (or close enough to get there), come join us!

Done laughing?  I'll wait....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

We good?  OK, follow me here...

I'd like to take you back to a simpler time that I like to call March of 1999.  I was ten years younger, I would meet the woman who would become my wife 6 months later, and WCW did a Pay-Per-View called Spring Stampede.

The main event of this event was a four corners match for the World Heavyweight Title.  You had Sting, Flair, Hogan, and a barely-there midcarder named... Diamond Dallas Page (Savage was the special guest referee).  I even punched the match up on YouTube to refresh my own memory.  If you remember correctly, nobody, and I mean NOBODY, understood why DDP was in this match.  (Granted, later we would find out that he is Bischoff's next door neighbor, and he was the dude that introduced Bischoff to Goldberg, and he does yoga... have no idea what that has to do with anything, but I was going with the "comedy rule of three" there.)  Even up until the match itself started, nobody really expected anything to happen of any consequence.  Then, a blown knee later on a figure four by DDP on Hogan (it's about at the 9 minute mark of Part 1 on YouTube) on the ring post, and things got interesting.  (The fact that people still use that move is INSANE.)

As the match progressed, I was in wonder at the amount of action that really was going on in this match.  For a Four Corners Match, I was intrigued by all four men and their goings on.  With Savage as the ref, his little "swerve" of dropping the elbow on Flair as he had the Figure Four on Sting (I wonder if this was supposed to be where Hogan won... come ON, you can't say you didn't think it either) created a quick Diamond Cutter by DDP and a pin.  The "???" of the entire crowd was deafening.  Here you have Hogan (dude has Creative Control, and he just didn't book himself to do the job without a lot of money and coaxing), Sting (my leader, especially OLD SCHOOL STING!!!!! IF HE HAD BEEN BLONDE AND WORE THE COLORS, THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO WAY HE WOULD HAVE LOST!!!!), and Flair (almost as long of a shot as Page, given the bad blood between him and Bischoff, and therefore by proxy, Hogan).  At the time, DDP couldn't draw heat if you taped a bunch of matches to him and dragged him across a field of flint.

And they put the belt on him.

As time went on, he would get it again, but he would end up being just a transitional champion (*coughCMPunkcough*).  Sure that may be true, but you know what?

YOU didn't see it coming.

When Shemus won that battle royal (and my GOD, how is it possible for Ventura to suck so much ass with a mic in the ring, but to be so GREAT at the announce table?  Even made Vince better...), I know that all of you had the same reaction that I did.  "I smell shenanigans here... Where's Randy to swerve this thing?  Where's d-X to make a case and get in?  WHERE IS OLD SCHOOL STING, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY?"

OK, maybe not that last one, but if you did, God bless you.

But it didn't happen.  This is the match that is booked as THE MAIN EVENT OF A PAY-PER-VIEW.  That YOU can see on a really big screen at Sports City Cafe in Mesquite, Texas.  If you miss it, I don't wanna hear you whine about it.  And this is a Tables Match.

So, a mid-carder in the main event at a Pay-Per-View that nobody thinks can carry the company?

It's happened before.  And it will happen again.  Sure, I know the "get beat down on the Raw before the PPV, win at the PPV" principle (I virtually coined the phrase), but that could play into this whole thing too.

And d-X will win the Tag Belts.  No real parallel here.  Just wanted to say it.

Lastly, I thank the greatness that is my Tonya for the greatest sign EVER.  It's on my Facebook if you wanna see it, but it says "Rob > Ralphus".  If ya get it, ya get it.  If ya don't, ya don't.

Until next time, when I'm deciding that I like this format...

BB